Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Boll-ing for books

So I went to the library last week and started grabbing books randomly off the shelves- sounds like it could end up badly but so far it's been great. I picked up the short novel The Train Was on Time by Heinrich Boll. No idea what it was about. But now I'm about 10 pages from the end and I LOVED it.

It's about a German's last thoughts and feelings as he rides a train to the front lines in Poland where he's convinced that he is going to die. It's kind of strange that I found this book right then, because I had just had a dream about going to Iraq, and I can still distinctly remember/feel the strange wave of emotion that washed over me (in the dream) when I realized that I was probably going to die.

Also I am inspired to write my own book. This was Boll's first. Where's mine?

Monday, January 29, 2007

Psychogenic Polydipsia

I am going to study this more and have a character in a script who has to be watched all the time because they may just have the urge to drink way too much water.

Water intoxication- not fun!

Here's some bad news on the subject...

Monday, January 15, 2007

Trumpet Two Punches!

So there was a game I played in... middle school and early high school- kind of a small school craze- called "Trumpet".

The point of "trumpet" was to get whomever you happened to be talking to to repeat themselves. When they said the same thing to you twice, you could say (or YELL!) "trumpet" and then punch them or kiss them or take their lunch... whatever the agreed specifics were between you and the individual. We even had a teacher involved. We got nothing from her, and we never got to hit her, but we DID get the joy of a brief class disruption. Worth it!

Anyway, at the time of the trumpet craze, Malcom in the Middle was a cute little show that most everyone watched on Sundays. In Malcom, they played the Circle game. You make a circle (like an "A-OK" sign) with your thumb and pointer somewhere below your waist, and when you get the other person to look in the circle you get to hit them, kiss them, etc... BUT not if they get their pointer finger into the hole before ... I don't know, what. I forget... I think without looking directly at it. I think it was all about the peripheral vision.

Either way, we started playing Trumpet and circle in conjunction. We intertwined them until we were sufficiently bruised and sexually harassed... Then, as it is with all incredibly good games, they were banned from school. They have been absent from MY life ever since.

I miss them and the people who cared about them. I hope I can somehow get people to play them with me later in life. That will be when I know I have the perfect job.

My boss: Rachel, could you get me the file about the thing that's cool, etc. etc?
Rachel: What's that? I have headphones on.
My boss: Could you get me the FILE about the THING that's cool, etc. ETC.?

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


I would just like to share that I have a dog named Slinky.

She is nicknamed "Stinky" slinky because she likes to pee all over her blankets, her bed, the floor, and anything else that can fall beneath her squatty little vagina.

But I do like her. Despite the pee. Everywhere. All the time. She's a hard case. She led a tough life, and she is not quick to open up to anyone. I probably have a crush on her.

When we got Slinky she was the shortest looking dachshund anyone had ever seen. She is slowly leangthening. She's five years old, or so, so she's not growing- just losing some weight. Most people get to pack some weight onto their dogs when they bring them home from the pound, but not Stinky- she went on a diet straight away. It is hard to tame the beast.

Slinky is like a teenager. If you let Slinky lie around all day she will walk around in circles all night. If you let her walk around too long she will pee on the floor. Nothing short of constant attention and supervision will keep Slinky on the right track.

Slinky is a good measuring stick. You can measure a person's unconditional love with Slinky. Pets are easy to love when they are obedient or cute. Slinky is neither of those things. But how can you blame an animal? Who do you blame? Her parents? Her retarded dog genes? Is it her fault? She didn't ask to be born and raised locked in a gay couple's kitchen. Anyway, people who try to convince you that Slinky is able to be good, just too crafty or lazy to go through with it, and that's why they dislike her- those people aren't as nice as the ones that like Slinky in all her stinkiness. Those people aren't going to cut you slack, or listen to excuses that involve your feelings. Maybe those people have worked so hard to make good decisions all their life, that the are jealous of the fact that you can love Slinky despite her glaring flaws. What's fair about that?

Well, there's nothing fair about it. I guess that's why love and logic don't mix, and I like Slinky.

Friday, January 05, 2007

wishful dreaming

So. Last night I dreamed I was in some house (not my own or any I've seen). I'd say it was a ranch style with a big basement that had laundry facilities. It was supposedly the house where I lived. In the basement someone was doing a lot of laundry. At first I thought it was Cory, a tenant in my building- and perhaps it was. But shortly thereafter I realized, NO it's someone famous! I realized this when the famous man pinched my butt. I was ready to be really offended when I realized it was, from a distance, Matthew Mcchonehy (or whatever his name is). I was still offended, but a little more ...honored? to have him doing laundry at my house. But no, it got BETTER. It turns out that it was really Owen Wilson (who I kept calling Wes Anderson). When he came upstairs I put my hands on his shoulders (and he was about my height) and looked into his face (which looked a little warped- I don't usually get that close to people in dreams) and said "I am SO happy it is YOU!" I was referring to the fact that he could now COMPLETELY get me that intern ship with Wes Anderson that I've been pining for.

So in conclusion, Owen Wilson- despite bad behavior- can come to my house to do laundry any time.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

American Woman...

I'm 100% American, which means that I spend a lot of time binging on junk food, and even MORE time talking about how I am planning on losing weight. On my quest to stick to SOMETHING (one or the other) I found-


How fun! Have your own private health blog! And it works for skinny people too. Just figure out what your goals are for daily riboflavin intake, and you're off.