Thursday, January 08, 2009

Bollywood lovers get fit in 2009

I love how weight loss has totally become way too "duh" to be a new year's resolution. It's been resolved SO MUCH that it has become unspoken. There's only so many ways you can phrase it. Here are some of my past phrasings:

"I'm going to lose weight in 2003, and get back to my high school size!"
"I'm going to get a HOT BOD in 2004"
"I'm going to get really fit and healthy in 2005!"
"By the end of 2006, I will be able to do a chin up!"
"I'm banning all drive-through food in 2007!"
"Eat great in 2008! Only organic for me!"

So yeah. No 2009 declarations for me. I'm done associating my failure with a whole year. BUT I am not done trying to do all of the above things at the same time and actually impress someone with the results.

Newest fitness obsessions:

#1. My Bollywood Booty workout DVD

I was strolling through Target on a last minute Christmas shopping spree when I saw it there. No F***ing way! I could not believe that someone had combined my love of Indian cinema with my health and fitness goals. I snatched it off the shelf. I was so ecstatic. I called my boyfriend and informed him he was getting me another gift- "but don't worry - it's only $14!"

I was only slightly disappointed that there were no awesomely choreographed dance routines that I could bust out at the next party. But I had to face it - it's a butt workout, not Darren's Bollywood Dance Grooves <<wish that existed!!

I'm out of shape (i.e. 20lbs more than I was in college). This DVD makes me out of breath and sore the next day. And holy SH*$ this lady is sassy. Take a look for yourself:

I either want to be this lady, or just steal her eyelashes. This video is a steal on Amazon, though the shipping might bring it up to my Target price.

#2. Starvation - totally getting a bad rap

Though this is very much an offense to people with eating disorders, and everyone going hungry in 3rd world countries, starvation is underrated. I'm not speaking of literal starvation... I'm speaking of American starvation. It's a totally different creature. I guess you could call it "portion control"... but that implies that you just need to reduce everything that you intake into little tiny portions and then you'll be safe.

I personally needed to throw out a bunch of my intake. X it out entirely. No more. Unnecessary.

Of course, being the anti-American hippy that I am, I got this great advice from a book written by an ASIAN. Who better to instruct me in health issues? They've been living longer, and documenting their health studies for THOUSANDS of years. Europeans are celebrating, what... 200 years since the creation of pasteurization?

I got my inspiration from this book - the author is somewhat discredited by the support of leading figures from ....Hollywood. I still give him the benefit of the doubt.

#3. I can ride my bike with no handlebars ~ AND watch TV

When my abs and lats are too sore from shaking my Bollywood booty, I peace out for some nice relaxing cycling. WAY cheaper than a real recumbent bike, this little guy also allows me to make my current bicycle A) useful 365 days a year (otherwise impossible in upstate NY) B) Decorative and C) A conversation piece.

So to sum it up. Resolutions are lame. Purchasing accessories to help with your health and fitness goals is in reality unnecessary, but FUN! Indian cinema is awesome and Chinese zen masters know their sh*%. The end.

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