sneak this in...

100 years ago people my age would be complaining the opposite.

Really, people?

And honestly, I won't believe in women's liberation until time-o-the-month humor becomes mainstream.


(never)

OH Fest... no, sorry this isn't really an Oneonta blog entry...

My boyfriend want's me to be friends with EVERYBODY... barring sociopaths and Nazis, I'm sure... we haven't really talked about that specific scenario. He also wants me to stop wasting my time with hypothetical situations.

I only want to befriend bright, bitter, intelligent, jaded people who write me emails like this:

"I'm going to Oneonta after work on Friday to see my favorite band in the entirety of creation (wow that's lofty) MewithoutYou. Yes, *** Name Omitted*** will be there. Yes her boyfriend's band is opening for them. Yes, I may have to talk to her or make uncomfortable conversation. But MAYBE I'll just bum a cigarette off of my friend Jon who's also coming and smoke outside after the show and make her feel so awkward at seeing my sin that she doesn't bother to acknowledge me. I have yet to decide."

So the rest of you can fuck off...
(Don't tell Joe I wrote that)

Bad time management at work (Twitter's fault)

So I am supposed to be close captioning the world's longest and most echo-y meeting. I elected myself to do this for the extra money but it is soooo haaaard to not fall asleep.

I haven't written in a while, though I've taken many showers where I come up with a great blog idea that I just know I'll pursue with reckless fervor once I'm dry.

But once I'm dry I have real world work to do. On computers. Which really makes me hate computers. Especially laptops. I hate my laptop. I need a desktop so that I can stop channeling so much bad energy into my poor laptop that now wants to install Roxio Media Manager every friggin time I start the damn thing up and it takes about five minutes to shut that process down and recover from whatever evil Roxio-based power that is gripping my processor.

Even now I've forgotten why I started this post.

...

..

.

Oh yeah. I am starting a podcast. I don't know when I will officially launch because I'm a very traditional "I'm my harshest critic" type person and I doubt that I will find anything I do worthy of the bandwidth. However I am going to rope friends into this with me so there. I'll end up posting our podcasts just for the secret joy of making them look stupid.

No, that's not true. I think that most of my friends are very good speakers, and when we go out we get almost too enraptured by our own speaking talent and wherever we go becomes a sort of traveling **** and Rachel show.

A podcast is the next obvious step in this evolution.

Don't tell Amber I mentioned evolution.

Also I came up with the idea (which might have been done) of the "Twinterview". I tweet now (which is somewhat embarrassing) and I was thinking a nice way to hone my interview skills would be to do short interviews with people I follow. Then I make them a little pop-up page with my podcast graphic and their twitter icon, a link to the audio and a short description of why they are interesting enough to be interviewed. I would then provide them with the link to the pop-up page and they can put it in their profile or wherever else they want it, or start litigation with designs to have me remove it from the interweb forever- whatev.

The purpose of these interviews would be professional promotion more than exploring the depths of their souls or political views or other smut like that which is best kept to a nice tight Twitter 140.

Who knows. Maybe I'll get other followers that want me to follow them so that they can get a nice Twinterview page and a permanent home on my as-of-yet nonexistent Twinterview blog.

Or maybe it will just be good audio for my next experimental film where I have a plan but then I knock the camera over and my actors go home early and I end with oblique footage of my mom petting her daschund in the shadows of a large picture window.

All this fun creativity and I have to go back to transcribing a budget committee meeting. *Spew*

Nostalgia

Good blog idea

So ... when I start my super-awesome podcast/blog I'm going to poll my 20 something year old girlfriends and create some ultimate wedding playlists. I figure if you're planning wedding during a recession the first thing you could lose is the cheesy DJ. Plus now that you can buy one song at a time instead of whole albums... the possibilities are endless.

Look foward to: Great things.

Best MP3 Player around?

I'd like to get this for my little brother for his birthday... then I would like him to get me one for my birthday.




Then the world would be a better place.

Look forward to 2009 podcast

As soon as you buy me one of these. I'd like to start a podcast with my friend Amber. I tweeted about it so I MUST be serious. Hey, I'll talk about Oneonta and Cooperstown in the podcast... then www.oneontaonthemap.com and www.cooperstownonthemap.com will link to it and we'll be famous.

Some Ways to Spend too Much time accomplishing little to Nothing

#1. Read some humorous blogs.

#2. Write a to-do list. Stare at your to-do list. PRIORITIZE your to-do list (this involves a re-write). Get to work on your to-do list, making sure disregard the order you have placed things in and instead do them in the order they are most fun/convenient for you.

#3. Give away your best ideas, preferably to people who have more time and energy to accomplish them. For instance instead of simply adapting the the LucasArts game Secret of Monkey Island to a full length feature feature film, I'm going to blog about it in an open and public forum for anyone who googles "monkey" to see. It's nice if you give them hints at the sheer greatness of your idea (Shia Labeouf as Guybrush Threepwood -hello?)

#4. Isn't there a pet somewhere you're supposed to be feeding? This includes Tamogachis. And yes, you should go pick up that watch battery. You know you've been thinking about it.

#5. Contract an illness. If I had known how to document things in third grade then I would have been able to prove that this is actually easier said than done.

#6. Update your twitter. Make sure that you make allusions that none of your followers would understand. If your parents follow you - swear a lot.

#7. Be less consistant with your daily spelling and punctuation.

To be continued...

Music

Track's 2, 4, 9, 11 and 12 are great.

Track 9 sounds like Jets to Brazil

Bollywood lovers get fit in 2009

I love how weight loss has totally become way too "duh" to be a new year's resolution. It's been resolved SO MUCH that it has become unspoken. There's only so many ways you can phrase it. Here are some of my past phrasings:

"I'm going to lose weight in 2003, and get back to my high school size!"
"I'm going to get a HOT BOD in 2004"
"I'm going to get really fit and healthy in 2005!"
"By the end of 2006, I will be able to do a chin up!"
"I'm banning all drive-through food in 2007!"
"Eat great in 2008! Only organic for me!"

So yeah. No 2009 declarations for me. I'm done associating my failure with a whole year. BUT I am not done trying to do all of the above things at the same time and actually impress someone with the results.

Newest fitness obsessions:

#1. My Bollywood Booty workout DVD

I was strolling through Target on a last minute Christmas shopping spree when I saw it there. No F***ing way! I could not believe that someone had combined my love of Indian cinema with my health and fitness goals. I snatched it off the shelf. I was so ecstatic. I called my boyfriend and informed him he was getting me another gift- "but don't worry - it's only $14!"

I was only slightly disappointed that there were no awesomely choreographed dance routines that I could bust out at the next party. But I had to face it - it's a butt workout, not Darren's Bollywood Dance Grooves <<wish that existed!!

I'm out of shape (i.e. 20lbs more than I was in college). This DVD makes me out of breath and sore the next day. And holy SH*$ this lady is sassy. Take a look for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZyTq4Z4NMM

I either want to be this lady, or just steal her eyelashes. This video is a steal on Amazon, though the shipping might bring it up to my Target price.

#2. Starvation - totally getting a bad rap

Though this is very much an offense to people with eating disorders, and everyone going hungry in 3rd world countries, starvation is underrated. I'm not speaking of literal starvation... I'm speaking of American starvation. It's a totally different creature. I guess you could call it "portion control"... but that implies that you just need to reduce everything that you intake into little tiny portions and then you'll be safe.

I personally needed to throw out a bunch of my intake. X it out entirely. No more. Unnecessary.

Of course, being the anti-American hippy that I am, I got this great advice from a book written by an ASIAN. Who better to instruct me in health issues? They've been living longer, and documenting their health studies for THOUSANDS of years. Europeans are celebrating, what... 200 years since the creation of pasteurization?

I got my inspiration from this book - the author is somewhat discredited by the support of leading figures from ....Hollywood. I still give him the benefit of the doubt.

#3. I can ride my bike with no handlebars ~ AND watch TV

When my abs and lats are too sore from shaking my Bollywood booty, I peace out for some nice relaxing cycling. WAY cheaper than a real recumbent bike, this little guy also allows me to make my current bicycle A) useful 365 days a year (otherwise impossible in upstate NY) B) Decorative and C) A conversation piece.



So to sum it up. Resolutions are lame. Purchasing accessories to help with your health and fitness goals is in reality unnecessary, but FUN! Indian cinema is awesome and Chinese zen masters know their sh*%. The end.

Mom called - she says she wants you to blog more

I had to stop my Gmail from forwarding to my Blackberry because of my mother's nagging. Now she wants me to get a Twitter account. Who does she think I am? Does she think I'm still in college or something? I'm way too busy ....working.

On the topic of Blackberries - Handy little things they are. They are helpful. You never have to leave the Internet behind. The let you turn ANY mp3 into a ring tone. That fact in itself makes them more selfless than any phone I've ever met. But you know what's not amazing? Keypad locks. They are so annoying. Why can't my blackberry just KNOW that it's in my pocket, or in the hands of a small child, or under a blanket being laid on by an obese pet?

Wishful thinking. The real question is, why did I delude myself into thinking that my little Pearl was that smart? It certainly got me into a predicament.

After spending the winter holiday with my boyfriend AND his twin brother AS WELL AS everyone we know within 50 miles of our home, I was beginning to get a little testy. There's really only so many days I can handle indoors sharing Christmas joy and holiday spirit with at least two other people. I try constantly to draw the line at the boyfriend, but he is unfortunately a packaged deal.

So after a day of gallivanting with a girlfriend... and my boyfriend and his twin brother. I am absolutely FED UP with banter. I am craving the presence of only one person. Any one person will do (except my boyfriend's twin), as long as it's in the singular. One.

I offer to drive my girlfriend home after one of the boys interjects with a fart noise. I am at my limit. We hop in the car while impressing each other with the fact that we know the words to Hello Dolly (NO the fart noise was NOT justified!). I plunk little Pearly on the dash an pull out of the driveway. Not 30 seconds down the road I unleash a tirade of pent up rage, all directed at my boyfriend's twin.

He can never leave us alone, everyone thinks he's a weirdo, blah blah blah, why can't he live his own life, blah blah blah, mean mean mean, his only girlfriends have been losers, blah blah blah.

My friend interjects playfully, probably trying to lead the conversation in a more lighthearted direction. I will have none of it. I cut her off. "And another thing...!"

In the middle of a story about the twin and a priest my Blackberry screen lights up on the dash. I pick it up. It says that my call to *Boyfriend's Twin* has been disconnected. I don't even flinch. "Thanks a lot for calling and hanging up, man!"

Ten minutes down the road my boyfriend calls. "Hi. Um. Did you just leave a three and a half minute voice mail on *My Twin*'s phone sh%$ talking him the whole time?"

Wha wha whaat? Um... (my mind flashes back to the "call disconnected" message). Yes. Yes, I probably did. What of it? Everyone needs to blow off a little steam sometime?

I guess the people that successfully blow off steam don't usually call the people they're complaining about to document the event.

There was the brief mystery of WHY my phone called him, of all people. But that was explained by my boyfriend, who used my phone to call his brother whilst I was in the mall with my girlfriend. Why not? He'd only spent the whole day with they guy. The whole last 3-4 weeks, actually. But yeah. Go ahead and use my phone to call him.

But I guess there's really no excuse. The god's of cellular were frowning on me and my bitter ways. I made no apologies, because "sorry my phone called you by itself while I just happened to be expressing negative feelings about you" just didn't seem like it would fix anything.

So I am now a member of the key lock club. You know us. The ones making emergency calls while our phones are in our pockets. At least I don't know any 911 operators, so I'm in the clear.

I guess I miss the 'ole blog

Well I was looking at my Amazon.com referral fees and I was thinking "wow - I'm a douche."

So here's a genuine blog post from ME to YOU.

The Two Week Plan

One of my (many) excercize advice books wrote that you have to do something for about 2 weeks to make it a habit, or integral part of your daily lifestyle. I have many things that I am trying to integrate into my life, or make habits out of. Way too many things.

• Writing scripts
• Working out
• Eating right
• Not biting my nails
• Starting a non-profit org

So I've just hung up trying to do it all at once. Because behind all this I have to actually perform my boring-ass job, which hangs like a dark evil cloud over my head. Working on computers, and traveling over 40 hours a week makes everything on the above list 10x harder to accomplish.

I've turned over a new leaf. I'm throwing job hatred out the window (at least... on week six or eight). I've begun with working out. For the next two weeks the only requirements I am setting for myself is to work out. Every day. Go to work, do my job, and work out. I'm not going to fret if I don't think of movie ideas, or learn new vegetarian recipes or whatnot. I am simply going to work, work out, and then play video games and hang out for two weeks.

So far it's awesome.

The point of the experiment is to see if I really continue to have these good habits after the 2 weeks is up. Say, for instance, in the next two week session I decide to focus on screenwriting, every day. Hopefully I will have made working-out such a habit that I keep it up even while I'm focusing on something new.

See me in two weeks.

~ Sore but happy

Happy Birthday Joe

Do it~